we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
