Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
