get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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