The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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