i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
