it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
