My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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