She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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