I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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