he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize