belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
