Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
