i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
