I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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