He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
