happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
