The maid of honor just puked.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
