just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
