i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
