My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
