absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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