I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
