Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
