im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
