Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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