Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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