when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
