Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
