so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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