Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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