this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize