had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He passed out mid-signature
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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