lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
