i just had sex bonerless
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have to summon your inner elephant
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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