And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
