I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize