Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The adults are the big ones right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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