I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
