there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
