No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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