fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
