I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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