I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
