the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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