if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
