You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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