Someone shit on the floor
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
