are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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