I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
