I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
