You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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