We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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