when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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