I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
