You're completely useless in the revolution.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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