Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
