the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
