I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize