I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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