I heard we made out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
