...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
