What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
