on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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