I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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