question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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