I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
