Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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