I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
