my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
