Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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